Tariff tensions trigger crypto carnage as Bitcoin leads the nosedive—because nothing says 'safe haven asset' like a 7% single-day haircut.
Black swan or just another Tuesday?
Markets got sucker-punched by renewed trade war rhetoric, with BTC crumpling to $115K while altcoins bled out in sympathy. Institutional 'hedging strategies' proved as effective as a screen door on a submarine.
Liquidity crunch or paper hands?
Order books turned into ghost towns as leveraged longs got vaporized. Meanwhile, crypto Twitter oscillated between 'buy the dip' memes and existential dread—all while traditional finance pundits smugly adjusted their monocles.
Silver lining? At least the Fed can't blame this one on inflation. Yet.
